It is a revolving door…

Tags

depression, happiness, help, judgement, mental illness, moody, pain, respect, self reflection, Society

this life we live. Strange how we repeat and repeat what we repeat just to end up repeating it again. It’s like no matter how much one tries to adjust and change it seems like history, as they say, repeats itself. Alterations made with intent to change and re-create and bring a more desirable outcome end in an individual discovering that they are who they are and no matter how hard they run from it they face themselves when looking in the mirror. Embracing that person and working with the individual they see and have tried so hard to erase can actually, in a twisted way, blossom into a productive and radiant being. Human being that is.

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My calling?

Tags

calling, comfort, emotional, happy, peace, Society, well being

Well, I’ve tried my hand at writing and a few other not so successful ventures. I can’t say that I’ve failed at one or another but I am without a doubt not a master at any. So I will keep on dipping my toe into that water until it is no longer cold but warm. Then, I’ll take a little swim, wade around and find the hot spot. That’s were I think my passion sits. I’m simply looking for the happy zone in life. Not anything in-particular. Nothing society has deemed as successful or right. Not a sexual encounter or a synthetic episode but a place within that brings comfort and contentment. My calling.

It Was 2013… Chapter 1

Tags

cold day in july, judgement, pain, politicaly correct, Society, tragedy

Imagine a place where you can not taste or smell, anything. It is such a place that is null of color or emotion. That is where this story begins. It was a very cold day in July. Yes that’s right, July. I woke to frost on the windows and my cat was lying next to me purring. She seemed different somehow. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but she was just different. I walked across the room into the kitchen area of my small one room apartment. The floor was icy. I wondered, “How could it be so cold in July?”, especially in Arizona. That was the day that everything as I knew it, changed forever.

Everything has gone stir crazy since last October. It has been eight months since then. Very unusual and scary months filled with uncertainty and bewilderment. I’m trying to understand it all as each day reality changes. Nothing is as it used to be. Many have passed on, at their own hands in an attempt to avoid the certain destruction and misery predicted. October came and went last year, but today July 15, 2013 I find myself wondering what’s next.

I turned on the tap to make a pot of coffee. No water. Frozen? Shut down? I paid the bill. So what’s the deal. It’s obvious that nothing will ever be the same. So much destruction. I miss Emily so much. I wish Jim wouldn’t have dragged her along with him to beat “them” at their own game. I still havent figured out who they were trying to beat but they’re gone, she’s gone, without a word to let me know if they are still alive.

I have this cat and Carol, my best friend lives down the hall. I’ll call her, see if I can use her shower and hang out with her at her place so I can figure this out. “My house is like an ice cycle Jenny”, Carol said. I don’t have any water either. I think we need to check the underground for information. You going or me?”

Who cares? Do you know?

Tags

help, judgement, learning, love, pain, respect, Society

I’ve heard it a lot from a few lately and many through the years. I have said the words myself and well never really got an answer. Who really expects an answer?

It’s time to take a good look back, you know, reflect on our past. Past can even be yesterday or this morning, not just the years that you have put behind you but those recently that have been significant in your life.

Of course some of us don’t enjoy going down memory lane. Fine. Don’t, I’m just talking about reflecting on the individuals that have been supportive and devoted friends. I think maybe even think if we have been equally there for our closest most significant buds.

We call a lot of people our friends, even a few or just one our best friend, when it’s convenient.

So who is REAL and who is just a person you happen to know?

Relationship trouble hunter

Tags

couples, Family, judgement, love, mental illness, mistreat, respect, Society, women

This is dedicated to all those individuals out there always picking through there “loved” ones things trying to find something, anything to prove that something is not right? The “picked on”, in the “picker’s” perspective, is a cheater, liar, and anything else you want to throw in the mix.
So when you’re looking through the wallet or purse of the “picked on” what are you looking for? How about when you’re going through the phone records checking to see who they’ve been talking to or texting? Again, I ask what are you looking for?
So when your “picked on” finely gets tired of the “picker” picking and just goes right on ahead and gives them something to find. What are you going to do then? Pickers, what are you going to do when you find what you’re looking for? Will it be worth the search?

It’s my parents fault!!! True or False?

Tags

cast the first stone, happiness, help, judgement, kids, love, mental illness, pain, respect, self reflection, Society

I hear often from individuals, that the reason they are so screwed up is because one or both or a step parent caused them to be that way. So, is it true? I’d say yes and no. Depending on what, when, how, who and a lot of factors but mostly on the person making the claim.

So, here’s how I see it…

Unfortunately those of us who experienced some sort of trauma as a result of a parent or parent figure have had some issues to deal with. Some of us use the “issues” to build us up and some to break us down and give us an excuse for just about anything that has failed in our lives.

Hold on! Let’s not get all worked up. Many of us have irreversible damage either directly or indirectly caused by our parents. Some have even lost their lives as a result of abuse or neglect. That is not what I’m referring to and there is no way I could dissolve the pain and suffering, although I wish it could be done. Even those of us lucky to live with emotional scares will forever have them. A scare will heal but it wont go completely away. It can be covered up but never rubbed out.

Ok, now – “issues”…

That’s what I’m calling the lump sum of verbal, physical, emotional and sexual abuse as well as neglectful parenting or the complete lack of parenting, which I guess is neglect. So we have issues. Ok, that established, what do we do with those issues? Let them rule us. Keep us down. Remain victims, for life. Suffer, remember and repeat. Yeah that’s right, repeat. There are actually a lot of individuals out there that repeat the trauma, take it and own it – cause the same pain to others. What a horrific cycle.

So, there comes a time when you, the one with the issues, must decide wich path to take at the fork in the road that we all end up at sooner or later. No matter which way you choose you’ll end up running into similar side streets pushing you to go the other way. It’s your choice to take the route that suites you. Victim -vs- Anything else you see yourself as that is not a victim. We have the power, we just need to know how to use it.

It’s not easy, nothing worth accomplishing is. Choice. I’ve experienced some of the most wonderful people only to find that they were once victims of f’d up parenting or inadequate parenting to say the least. Now let’s get one thing straight, I’m not talking about the dad who spends too much time at work or out with the guys. Nor the mom who complains because you peed on the toilet seat or left the lid off the toothpaste. I’m talking about abuse. As mentioned above. So if your mom wouldn’t buy you a toy because you wouldn’t clean your room I’m guessing you don’t qualify for the lovely gift of being tossed into turmoil by the person or persons that you should depend on and trust from day one.

So how do they do it? How do they love? How do they trust? How do they move on and passed the trauma and pain? Some don’t. Those that do, struggle and fight. Many live for years angry and tormented before finding peace. Peace. Oh yeah! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Some get it through spiritual healing. God. Some find it hard to believe that God exist due what they’ve gone through. Even though the pain was caused by a man or woman and not God. Some get counseling and or medications. Some just simply forgive. Forgive themselves and forgive the person or person’s that caused the pain… Maybe a combination of all of the above and many years of determination and continued hope wrapped up in more determination.

Forgive!! Not as easy to do as it is to type. But, who really suffers from your unforgiving heart. They don’t lose sleep waiting for your forgiveness. You do. The victim. Forgiveness is hard to come by but once it’s reached it brings you peace within. It helps you heal. Of course, never to forget and not to ever put yourself or your loved ones in harm’s way but for your inner peace and emotional stability. They don’t deserve forgiveness but you deserve to let go of what is holding you down, keeping you trapped.

No excuses. Let go and live. Live and be happy. Free of the pain. Safe from the anguish. Love and be loved. Find a way. Find the way. Do it and don’t look back.

What is politicaly correct? Who calls the shot?

Tags

happiness, politicaly correct, respect, Society

Society says, no, don’t say that. Don’t wear that. Dont display that. We wouldn’t want to offend. Offend who? Is it society’s place to judge what is right and what is not? How can one group determine what everyone should do? Are we not free to think what we choose? Then why not be how and who we choose? I understand the law is the law in what ever area we are in and it was society that developed the law so therefore they have determined what is right and wrong. We must respect the legal “rules” set for by them or suffer society’s consequences. If we were to merely show mutual respect to one another would that not fulfil the laws of most societies. So what if he’s different from you and she chooses a different way to exist. We all have only one life here on Earth and should be able to live it as we choose. To work or not to work. To love or not to love. To speak or just listen. Naked? Well in some “society’s” it’s acceptable and “normal”. Just live. Be fulfilled. If you’re not happy and sadness is not your choice than take the steps to find “your” happiness. Not what she thinks you should do or he expects of you, be what and who “you” want and need to be. YOU. ME. I. WE.