I hear often from individuals, that the reason they are so screwed up is because one or both or a step parent caused them to be that way. So, is it true? I’d say yes and no. Depending on what, when, how, who and a lot of factors but mostly on the person making the claim.
So, here’s how I see it…
Unfortunately those of us who experienced some sort of trauma as a result of a parent or parent figure have had some issues to deal with. Some of us use the “issues” to build us up and some to break us down and give us an excuse for just about anything that has failed in our lives.
Hold on! Let’s not get all worked up. Many of us have irreversible damage either directly or indirectly caused by our parents. Some have even lost their lives as a result of abuse or neglect. That is not what I’m referring to and there is no way I could dissolve the pain and suffering, although I wish it could be done. Even those of us lucky to live with emotional scares will forever have them. A scare will heal but it wont go completely away. It can be covered up but never rubbed out.
Ok, now – “issues”…
That’s what I’m calling the lump sum of verbal, physical, emotional and sexual abuse as well as neglectful parenting or the complete lack of parenting, which I guess is neglect. So we have issues. Ok, that established, what do we do with those issues? Let them rule us. Keep us down. Remain victims, for life. Suffer, remember and repeat. Yeah that’s right, repeat. There are actually a lot of individuals out there that repeat the trauma, take it and own it – cause the same pain to others. What a horrific cycle.
So, there comes a time when you, the one with the issues, must decide wich path to take at the fork in the road that we all end up at sooner or later. No matter which way you choose you’ll end up running into similar side streets pushing you to go the other way. It’s your choice to take the route that suites you. Victim -vs- Anything else you see yourself as that is not a victim. We have the power, we just need to know how to use it.
It’s not easy, nothing worth accomplishing is. Choice. I’ve experienced some of the most wonderful people only to find that they were once victims of f’d up parenting or inadequate parenting to say the least. Now let’s get one thing straight, I’m not talking about the dad who spends too much time at work or out with the guys. Nor the mom who complains because you peed on the toilet seat or left the lid off the toothpaste. I’m talking about abuse. As mentioned above. So if your mom wouldn’t buy you a toy because you wouldn’t clean your room I’m guessing you don’t qualify for the lovely gift of being tossed into turmoil by the person or persons that you should depend on and trust from day one.
So how do they do it? How do they love? How do they trust? How do they move on and passed the trauma and pain? Some don’t. Those that do, struggle and fight. Many live for years angry and tormented before finding peace. Peace. Oh yeah! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Some get it through spiritual healing. God. Some find it hard to believe that God exist due what they’ve gone through. Even though the pain was caused by a man or woman and not God. Some get counseling and or medications. Some just simply forgive. Forgive themselves and forgive the person or person’s that caused the pain… Maybe a combination of all of the above and many years of determination and continued hope wrapped up in more determination.
Forgive!! Not as easy to do as it is to type. But, who really suffers from your unforgiving heart. They don’t lose sleep waiting for your forgiveness. You do. The victim. Forgiveness is hard to come by but once it’s reached it brings you peace within. It helps you heal. Of course, never to forget and not to ever put yourself or your loved ones in harm’s way but for your inner peace and emotional stability. They don’t deserve forgiveness but you deserve to let go of what is holding you down, keeping you trapped.
No excuses. Let go and live. Live and be happy. Free of the pain. Safe from the anguish. Love and be loved. Find a way. Find the way. Do it and don’t look back.